Listening is a highly undervalued skill in today's society. As far as I can tell, this is a result of several social phenomena: television has ruined our attention spans such that we are unable to focus on anything for longer than five minutes without expecting a commercial break; texting, email, Twitter, and Facebook have nearly eliminated the existence of verbal communication in many people's lives; and the rampant vanity in our culture has made the norm being too wrapped up in one's own life and thoughts to take an interest in anyone else's. The irony is that now, more than ever, the value of listening is at a premium, since the world is swirling with more accessible information than ever before.
That being said, however, listening has always been, and always will be, of utmost importance in interpersonal relationships. First and foremost, it's a sign of respect, and it also facilitates productive communication, which is a requirement of a healthy relationship of any kind--professional, social, romantic, etc. Being a good listener will benefit you in all aspects of your life; the only way that it might "hurt" you is that you might be better able to tell when someone else is doing something hurtful to you--like not being a good listener. But in the end, the ability to detect that will benefit you as well, as you'll know when it's time to kick someone to the curb.
Note that there is a difference between hearing and listening: you can hear something without listening to it. Riding the subway and checking your email, you will hear the din of the train and the murmur of the conversations around you, but you won't be listening to them; your brain will be focused on the content of your emails. Likewise, if your partner is talking to you, but you're preoccupied with what you're going to wear for your big meeting tomorrow, you might be able to hear him/her, and maybe even repeat back the most recent sentence or two that (s)he said, but you will not have actually absorbed, registered, or understood your partner's point, and come tomorrow, you probably won't be able to recall it.
Try to actively practice listening. Consciously control your mind, preventing yourself from becoming distracted from the words and message of the person speaking. If you're aware enough, you may be able to track when or why you tend to get distracted and maybe even detect a pattern that can then help you to know how to best prevent distraction (but don't let this practice disrupt your listening). When you do sense your mind wandering, consciously tell yourself (but not out loud!), "No! Pay attention to what this person is saying! Don't be rude!" or whatever else will motivate you to listen.
One of the tactics that I find to be the most helpful in being a good listener is to make eye contact with the person who is speaking. This will indicate to your brain that this is where you should direct your focus, and it also might make you feel guilty or uncomfortable if your mind starts to wander, knowing that the person speaking is "watching" you become distracted--and I'm sure that you know as well as I do that it really isn't that hard to tell whether or not someone is listening.
Being a good listener is a prerequisite of being a good conversationalist. You may be skilled at coming up with topics to discuss or stories of your own to share, but if you aren't attuned to what the other person is contributing in response, your choices about where to lead the conversation will not make sense, and your lack of attention will be reflected--and noted. Listen to what (s)he is saying, and thoughtfully consider his/her point prior to and while formulating your own response. This may seem like Communication 101 to some of you, but I know that there are others to whom this is news--and that's okay! Just follow this advice from here on out.
In a relationship, one of the most convincing ways to show your affection is to listen to, remember, and act upon something that your partner has said--her favorite type of cereal, a book that he's been wanting to read, her favorite place to go when it rains. This will demonstrate that you care and respect him/her enough to not only listen to what (s)he says but also actually do something with him/her in mind. You will be rewarded with love and affection in kind, as well as a thriving relationship.
So go put those ears to work! As always, let me know if you have any questions/comments/suggestions/stories/etc :)
