Keep your friends close and your enemies closer...

In all likelihood, if you find someone attractive, other people do, too, in one way or another. This means that you will need to compete for your target's attention, with your "competition" being comprised of other potential pursuers, his/her friends, and really anyone else who happens to be around.

There are three ways to deal with this: the right way, the wrong way, and the really wrong way.

The right way
Befriend your competition. Display your amiability by introducing yourself to your target's entire group of friends, shaking each person's hand, and making a mental note of everyone's name. This will minimize your potential creep factor, make you less intimidating, and make everyone more likely to welcome you. Also, keep in mind that his/her friends do ultimately have a say in whether or not you get the number (and/or get laid), so you want them on your side.

This applies particularly to the members of the group who are the same sex as you--you'll display massive confidence by chumming up to them, and if you get their vote of approval, your target will notice and factor that into his/her own decision.

If there are other pursuers around, befriend them as well--after all, you might not be able to tell the difference between friends and pursuers when you first approach the group. Again, this will show your confidence as well as create an opportunity for these pursuers to mess up and choose to behave in the wrong or really wrong way--which makes you look that much better.

The wrong way
Be apathetic. Maybe smile or maybe even acknowledge others in the group, but generally do not actively engage them. This will make you look boring and diffident--i.e. not attractive.

The really wrong way
Antagonize your competition. Actively prevent other people (particular those of your sex) from talking to your target. Completely ignore his/her friends or others around. You will seem possessive, jealous, and immature. Avoid these behaviors by all means and at all times.

"Apology accepted, Captain Needa..."

Uh oh: you did something that upset someone else. That person is angry, confused, offended, sad, etc--and those emotions were caused by and/or are directed at you. Now what?

1. Assess the situation. How did the dispute arise? What specifically did you say or do that evoked the negative response from the other person? What were your reasons/motivations for saying or doing this? Did you intend to or knowingly elicit the negative reaction, or was there a misunderstanding?
2. Swallow your pride. This step might be required mostly for those who are not practiced at apologizing--it does get easier the more you do it; however, I know that I still encounter the occasional situation where I have to dig deep to convince myself to step up to the plate and just spit it out. You can do it!!!!!!
   
3. Apologize. Once you have the situation straight in your head, you can know exactly what it is for which you are apologizing. A couple of notes on this: a) Apologize only when you are sorry; do not say that you're sorry only because you think that the other person wants to hear that. While it may diffuse this particular situation, it will dilute your apologies, rendering them meaningless in the long term. b) Apologize only for the action/event for which you are sorry. For example, if you agree that your words/deeds put you in the wrong, apologize for them; however, if you do not believe that, then simply apologize for creating a negative situation, and go on to try to clarify your words/actions. c) Saying, "I'm sorry," as opposed to a mere, "Sorry," sounds much more sincere--opt to use the former.
   
4. Discuss and/or explain as necessary. Never ruin an apology with an excuse; however, it might be appropriate to clear up a misunderstanding or explain your intentions.
5. Avoid these actions in the future. Remember, actions speak more loudly than words: your apology will seem empty if your behavior doesn't change. When I was younger, I did something to my brother that I had done before and knew he didn't like. I apologized afterward, but he responded, "If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place." Saying that you're sorry without modifying your actions is equivalent to lying; therefore, continuing to do or say something that you know will upset someone else and for which you have apologized in the past is not only inconsiderate but also dishonest--and should be avoided. If you can find no other motivation to refrain from engaging in such behavior, try to remember the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

Apologizing is not easy, as it requires (implicitly or explicitly) admitting that you were wrong, but it can do wonders for a relationship of any kind. Refusing to apologize can turn a non-issue into a catastrophic division, whereas apologizing, even for something that may have been brushed under the rug regardless, helps to build trust and mutual respect.

Your thoughts are worth more than a penny

Voicing your thoughts, emotions, and desires can be a daunting task: you're putting your insides on display, thereby opening yourself up to scrutiny and ridicule. What often goes unacknowledged, however, is that you also are creating an opportunity for validation and possibly even the recruitment of assistance in realizing your desires.

For example, let's pretend that your career goal is to be a world-renowned actor. While not unattainable, it certainly is lofty--and therefore may be a bit embarrassing to disclose. Pessimistic responses to such an admission would not be uncommon, as the odds are against you. However, you just as easily could be met with encouragement from those who have seen you act, and it's entirely possible that anyone whom you encounter--friends or strangers--might know someone in the business who could provide assistance in your career advancement!

The same scenario could surface in connection to matters of the heart. You're interested in someone and would like to ask her out; you'd like your boyfriend to stop using pet names in front of your friends; you want to "become official" with the girl you're dating; you want to break up. Upon expressing these feelings and wishes, you may be met with contradiction: "That's very sweet, but I see you as a really good friend--nothing more." "Schnookums! What?! You don't like it when I call you Pumpkin in front of other people?? Well I don't think I can stop!" "I'm not ready for that commitment yet..." "ARE YOU @!*&ING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!"

The threat of these responses may overpower any urge to share these feelings, but if your optimism does manage to prevail, you may be pleasantly surprised by a response that offers not only confirmation of your sentiment but also maybe even assistance in realizing it: "Dinner tomorrow night sounds fantastic. I can't wait!" "Haha, I was just doing it because I thought you liked it! I love our pet names, but I'd rather keep them as our little secret." "I've been waiting for you to ask me that! *make out*" "Yeah.... it's time."

Here is an anecdotal example: My friend "Helen" went on a fantastic first date that was practically straight out of a movie. The attraction was tangible, and there was even a beach make-out. Plans for a second date were discussed, but days passed before he called again, and when he finally did, it was to say that he couldn't see her anymore: she was too sweet, and he was trouble--he'd just end up being an asshole to her.

Needless to say, she was upset, both because she was disappointed that it hadn't worked out and because she was miffed that he would make that decision for her--how did he know how sweet she was or how much asshole she could handle?

After stewing for a couple weeks, she ended up seeing him again at a gathering of mutual friends. A couple of his good friends discussed the topic with her; their comments assured her that he really did like her as much as it had seemed on the date--and one of them mentioned that it is very rare for him to really like a girl. My friend voiced her frustration to one of them, who encouraged her to go to the guy and tell him all of what she was feeling.

So she did. After she had gotten through several sentences conveying the gist of her sentiments, he interrupted her with a long kiss.

Again, it could be straight out of a movie. But it's real life, and it could happen to you too--if you make it happen. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, "Go get it or regret it!" It always applies!