"Apology accepted, Captain Needa..."

Uh oh: you did something that upset someone else. That person is angry, confused, offended, sad, etc--and those emotions were caused by and/or are directed at you. Now what?

1. Assess the situation. How did the dispute arise? What specifically did you say or do that evoked the negative response from the other person? What were your reasons/motivations for saying or doing this? Did you intend to or knowingly elicit the negative reaction, or was there a misunderstanding?
2. Swallow your pride. This step might be required mostly for those who are not practiced at apologizing--it does get easier the more you do it; however, I know that I still encounter the occasional situation where I have to dig deep to convince myself to step up to the plate and just spit it out. You can do it!!!!!!
   
3. Apologize. Once you have the situation straight in your head, you can know exactly what it is for which you are apologizing. A couple of notes on this: a) Apologize only when you are sorry; do not say that you're sorry only because you think that the other person wants to hear that. While it may diffuse this particular situation, it will dilute your apologies, rendering them meaningless in the long term. b) Apologize only for the action/event for which you are sorry. For example, if you agree that your words/deeds put you in the wrong, apologize for them; however, if you do not believe that, then simply apologize for creating a negative situation, and go on to try to clarify your words/actions. c) Saying, "I'm sorry," as opposed to a mere, "Sorry," sounds much more sincere--opt to use the former.
   
4. Discuss and/or explain as necessary. Never ruin an apology with an excuse; however, it might be appropriate to clear up a misunderstanding or explain your intentions.
5. Avoid these actions in the future. Remember, actions speak more loudly than words: your apology will seem empty if your behavior doesn't change. When I was younger, I did something to my brother that I had done before and knew he didn't like. I apologized afterward, but he responded, "If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place." Saying that you're sorry without modifying your actions is equivalent to lying; therefore, continuing to do or say something that you know will upset someone else and for which you have apologized in the past is not only inconsiderate but also dishonest--and should be avoided. If you can find no other motivation to refrain from engaging in such behavior, try to remember the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

Apologizing is not easy, as it requires (implicitly or explicitly) admitting that you were wrong, but it can do wonders for a relationship of any kind. Refusing to apologize can turn a non-issue into a catastrophic division, whereas apologizing, even for something that may have been brushed under the rug regardless, helps to build trust and mutual respect.