Can't touch this

Every woman has experienced it: we're fighting through the crowd at a club or bar, and suddenly, we feel a squeeze--on our hand, our arm, or even our butt. We turn around to find the source of this sensation and find a guy, smirking and/or raising his eyebrows suggestively. He could be younger, older, attractive, or disfigured, but at that point, he is invariably one thing: creepy.

Guys, please, I'm begging you: do not do this! There are countless better (i.e. more effective, more respectful, more creative, less creepy, etc) ways to get a woman's attention--well, positive attention, anyway. There isn't really a better way to get a woman's negative attention than grabbing or groping her inappropriately. So, I repeat, do not do this!

Please note that women will not be repelled by all touching from strangers; there is a right way to do it. Below are rules to follow when engaging in physical contact with a woman whom you haven't met. Slightly different rules apply once you are engaged in conversation.

1. Do not grab. grab [grab], verb: to seize suddenly or quickly; snatch; clutch (from Dictionary.com). Do not wrap any part of your body around any part of her body. This includes grasping her hand, squeezing her arm, embracing her, and, yes, grabbing her ass.
2. Do touch gently and briefly. A light touch will get her attention and indicate your romantic/sexual interest, as well as pique her sexual contemplations and get her thinking about what it's like to be skin-to-skin with you (subconsciously, of course). Make it brief, so that she doesn't become creeped out or anxious about when you're going to stop, but not too brief, so that her brain has time to receive the feeling and evaluate it. Also, be sure to touch in such a way that she knows it's intentional--a touch too light and casual will be ignored as a mere brush from someone passing through the crowd.
3. Do not touch her in private areas. By "private areas" I mean face, chest, butt, and nether-region/inner thighs; however, everyone has their own standard of propriety, so to play it safe, stick to the arms only, or just keep your hands to yourself until your conversation has allowed you to reach a further level of comfort.
4. Do try playful touching. An alternative to the sweet, polite arm touch is the playful high-five or even a light kick. Many women will dig the fun, outgoing vibe that this type of behavior exudes, and it's a great way to start the kino escalation process without overtly displaying your interest, if you're not quite ready to do that.
5. Do not accompany touching with mindless and/or creepy drawl. Grabbing a woman's ass as you whisper, "Heeeeyy" into her ear will do nothing but get you slapped. Even if you apply proper touching techniques, however, such as softly but deliberately placing your hand on her arm, opening with, "Daaaamn" will not be effective.
6. Do say something, though. Touching silently is arguably creepier than actually saying something creepy, so make sure that something comes out of your mouth when you touch a woman. First and foremost, it's generally a good idea to follow your touch with "excuse me"--not only will you be being polite, you also will be demonstrating to her that you are polite and well-mannered. Beyond that, your choice about what to say is up to you. You can try the direct approach, in which case you would say something like, "I'm sure you get this all the time, but I saw you from across the room, and I just had to come talk to you. You're so beautiful/I'm seriously digging your vibe. I'm John. What is your name?" Or you can try the indirect approach, in which case there's no limit to what you can choose to say. There's the ever-popular "I need a woman's opinion..." stock of questions, as well as innumerable tried and true openers that PUA's used to use and to which many women would still be receptive. You also can invent your own openers based on your personality and experiences. Whatever you choose, make sure it's clever and unique and can create a foundation for a conversation.
   
7. Smile. There are an infinite number of reasons to do this, but I'll mention just a few. Smiling exudes many positive traits, including confidence, friendliness, and a sense of humor. It's contagious, so she'll be more likely to smile, and trust me, that is what you want. If you touch her without smiling, not only will she not infer your possession of all of those positive characteristics, she also will think either you take yourself too seriously as a "pimp" or you are a rapist.

Remember, a woman will be much more interested in interacting with you if she feels that you respect her.