Whatever happened to, "Excuse me, may I have this dance?"

To build off of yesterday's post, another offensive tactic to avoid is the blindside grind, i.e. sneaking up behind a woman on the dance floor and starting to grind with her without saying a word or even making eye contact with her. Not only is this disrespectful and a complete violation of personal space considerations, but it is also, of course, creepy. Having a complete stranger rub his junk all over your butt can be uncomfortable enough, so when you haven't even been given the opportunity to see, speak to, or otherwise assess the stranger, it is an even more unpleasant experience.

If respect for the woman's preferences in this situation is not sufficient to deter you from engaging in this behavior, consider the following scenario, played out in an episode of "How I Met Your Mother": At a nightclub, Barney picks out a woman who looks attractive--from behind, anyway, since that's the only view from which he's seen her. He comes up behind her and starts freaking with her. They get down and dirty all night, but when she finally turns around, presumably to start making out with him, they realize in disgust that they are cousins.

In case you missed it, incest is both illegal and gross. You wouldn't want that to happen to you.

I'm sure some of you might be thinking that your only chance of getting a woman to dance with you is by imposing your will upon her and eliminating her opportunity to contribute to the decision. I promise that that is not true. First of all, the blindside grind is not foolproof, as you're likely to encounter many women who, in response to feeling contact on their backside, will turn around and will not be pleased when they discover the explanation for it--nor eager to dance with you. As such, even if your success rate with other tactics isn't perfect, you certainly will have just as much, if not more, success, while possibly laying the foundation for a more lasting interaction. Aside from that, please keep in mind that any guy, including you, can get a girl to not only dance with him but want to dance with him.

And that is the goal: to make a woman want to dance with you. Nobody--neither the giver nor the receiver--wants a pity dance!

Some things to consider:

1. You need to say something. In case I didn't make it clear before, either in this post or yesterday's, being silent is creepy when combined with an ambush of unsolicited physical contact.
   
2. Talking on the dance floor is difficult: the music is loud, so you have to yell right into each other's ears, which doesn't necessarily facilitate dancing, which theoretically is what you should be doing on the dance floor. For this reason, you should try to carry on as much conversation as possible off the dance floor, and keep conversation on the dance floor brief. If you can, approach a woman when she is not on the dance floor, so that you can open her with a comment or question that will lead to a more extended conversation. If you need to approach her on the floor, though, keep it simple: if you can open with a joke, another witty comment, or a funny dance move, that's your best option, but if not, there's nothing wrong with introducing yourself and asking if she'd like to dance. As long as you're friendly and polite, most women won't say no.
3. As long as you're friendly and polite, most women won't say no. I'm reiterating this in order to emphasize that you should not be intimidated! While merely being friendly and polite might not be quite enough to achieve "the goal," you will most likely achieve the intermediate goal of getting a woman to dance with you--and that is important too.
   
4. But some women really do just want to dance with their girlfriends. If you encounter one (or more) of these women, which you inevitably will, please do not take her refusal personally; it really does not have anything to do with you. However, even this type of woman won't mind engaging in a brief dialogue with you, as long as you are polite, but it might be just long enough for her to tell you that she's already dancing with someone--and point to her friends.
5. All women love getting attention from men--including the type described above. Seriously. As utterly irritating and appalling as it is when creeps grab our asses while whispering, "Heeeeyyy" and raising their eyebrows suggestively--and don't get me wrong, we do hate that--somewhere not too deep down, a little voice inside us shouts, "YAY! SOMEONE THINKS I'M ATTRACTIVE! PAAARRRTTAAAYYY!" So if you think a woman deserves attention, by all means, give it to her!
   
6. Some women are bitchy, and all of us act like it on occasion. You also inevitably will encounter a bitch and/or a woman acting like one. Again, don't take her rejection personally, and always keep in mind that you would not want to be involved with someone like that anyway. I know it's a bit cliche, but seriously: her loss, not yours!
   

Possible tactics:

1. Off the dance floor: Open with something from your standard stock--direct approach or anything indirect, such as jokes, situational openers, or anything else that comes to your mind. After you've initiated the interaction and the conversation has been flowing for a bit, you can either ask her right then to dance ("Omg, I LOVE this song! Come dance with me!" "K, this is really embarrassing, but I'm a horrible dancer, so one of my New Year's Resolutions was to practice... Can you show me some moves?" or you can always opt for the simple, "So.. would you like to dance?"), or you can leave the conversation with, "Listen, I gotta get back to my friends, but I'm gonna find you later and we're gonna tear up the dance floor," and then of course follow through with that.
   
2. On the dance floor: As I've said, you want to keep talking to a minimum. If you're a good dancer, it's easy to get a woman's attention: just ease your way over to her general vicinity and start workin' it. Ladies loooove guys who can dance, so don't worry: she will notice. Those of you with two left feet, don't sweat it! The absolute worst thing that you can do is feel self-conscious--your discomfort will be obvious, making her uncomfortable too, and you will convey a distinct lack of confidence, which is the opposite of what will attract a woman! I know that it's easier said than done, but just relax and have a good time. Be crazy and goofy and wild and silly on the dance floor. She may or may not be able to tell that you're no Fred Astaire, but she will be able to tell that you're a boatload of fun.
   

Things to avoid doing:

1. The blindside grind. Do not do it.
   
2. Off the dance floor, if you decide to ask her to dance during the original interaction, make sure you don't ask too soon. You need to build attraction, or at least some general rapport, in order for her to want to dance with you. If you ask her immediately after the perfunctory introductions and greetings, you haven't given yourself a chance to demonstrate why she should want to dance with you; all she knows is that your name is Ben and your night's going well so far. Great... so what?
3. Too many guys (either solo or in a group) try the awkward circle merge, i.e. the joining of dancing groups. This definitely can work, but I've seen it fail way more often than succeed. That is because guys most often do the following: awkwardly and unenthusiastically dance near the girls for a bit while making awkward and confused eye contact with them, and then awkwardly try to start grinding with one of them after having been awkwardly silent the entire time that they've been awkwardly dancing near them. (Are you sensing the theme with this scenario?) Please, whether you are flying solo in the expedition or are buttressed by your buddies, do not do any of that! Instead, make a bold first impression! Bound over to the girls, and maybe even let out a shout while you bust your most dynamic moves. Throw in some crazy facial expressions for good measure. Be prepared for the occasional bitchy reaction ("Omg, who the hell is this guy and what is wrong with him. Let's relocate, gurlz!"), but most normal women will love your fun-loving demeanor and may be inspired to start dancing all out crazily with you. This tactic will serve you the best if you're in a group as well.